There are some general signs that someone is an introvert and these include; you enjoy having time to yourself, you often feel exhausted and drained after spending time with other people, your best thinking often occurs when you're by yourself, you prefer not to engage with people if they seem angry or upset, people tend to ask you for your opinion quite frequently, you don't initiate small talk and you receive more texts and calls etc than you make. Now, I'm not saying you need to tick all of these boxes to be an introvert and every introvert experiences things on different levels, but these are generally the typical signs.
As far as friends and family go, I count myself unbelievably lucky to be surrounded by the people that I am. Growing up, whenever there was any talk about anything that involved a group of people, I'd get an overwhelming sense of nausea, especially if this involved being anywhere that didn't have my idea of comforting surroundings. When I was younger, I probably put it down to home sickness but I'm certain now that it was never homesickness, mainly because I could be in my own home and still get this feeling of being uneasy and just, well, emotionally and mentally drained. Like all of the energy had been sucked out of me. I soon made the connection and realisation that these feelings would occur when I would go certain periods of time without my own company. Sounds a little weird, right?
Even as I write that, I'm shaking my head because it sounds ridiculous. Whether I'm at home, work or at a social event, it gets to a point where I feel like I just need to breathe and spend a few minutes alone to put myself back together. I find 'socialising' exhausting. Some days it's worse than others but I know that if I don't have breaks in between then I'd become either hysterical or my mood would just completely diminish.
It's really difficult to admit. And there are days when I think to myself that I've outgrown all of this and I crave company that isn't my own. But I know it won't be long before it all becomes too much and I need to breathe. I'm paranoid that it makes me sound rude and selfish. The last thing I'd ever want to do is offend someone because I haven't replied to them or I'd rather not spend time with them on a certain day. From their point of view, I'd probably get the feeling that I was being pushed away. And I get that. It's just a difficult thing to get across and I'd be scared whoever was on the receiving end of it would just think I was making up an excuse not to see them. The thought of spending time with people can often feel more exhausting than the actual spending time with them. I hope that I never come across as being uninterested in the people I'm spending time with but it's important to acknowledge that there may be occasions where me being an introvert is visible, and for that, I apologise. The one thing I really want to stress is that it isn't personal. I love my friends and my family more than life and I enjoy meeting new people. I mean, I meet new people all the time and I do enjoy spending time with those I love. But for me, there is always going to be a limit.
I've accepted that hiding in the bathroom for five minutes at a dinner party is the done thing for me and I can't ever see a time where I'll actually enjoy going to a party but I've made my peace with that. I genuinely hope those who haven't experienced this attempt to understand that it's a lot deeper than simply not liking people. Introverts like myself just may not gain energy by being with other people for long periods of time and that's okay. That's absolutely fine.
Thank you for reading this one, I know it was a little different for me. There seems to be a real mixture of blog posts on here at the moment! I'm trying to upload every Friday and Monday at the moment so lets see how long this schedule lasts for! I hope you're smiling wherever you are.
Lots of Love,
Meg X
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