Finding My Feet


Hello my beautiful readers. It's been a short while, hasn't it? It feels like a lifetime has passed since I last sat in front of my laptop with my blog on the screen and a bunch of things I want to write about. That's all because over the last few months I've actually been studying for and then doing my final A Level exams in college. In all honesty, I actually wrote a very long and rambly blog post about my A Level / exam experience because despite sounding dramatic it has been utterly horrific. The last few months in particular have been the worst I've felt in a long time, if not the worst and lowest I have ever been. However, I didn't really want to publish something so personal and put a downer on things even though I've always been honest on my blog. Instead I've decided to save it in my drafts for a time in the future where I'm in the right mindset to reflect on my A Level experience and ultimately how it made me a stronger person. 

Enough about that because this post, if you can't already tell from the title, will be focusing on the light at the end of the darkness. It's kind of linked to how I've been feeling over the last few months but I wanted to write about how even in our darkest moments, it's important to remember that they won't last forever. 

It's so easy to tell somebody who is struggling that it won't last forever and that there are brighter days ahead. Feeling genuinely happy can seem so out of reach for days, weeks or months on end and being stuck in a vicious cycle of waking up just to survive each day is exhausting and demolishing to say the least. 

It's 3 days away from being a solid month since I walked out of my last A Level exam and since I walked out of college for the last time. I'm not the most resilient person but I was frustrated with myself for not bouncing back straight away. Days, even a couple of weeks after that last exam I was still crying myself to sleep because of the stupid mistakes I'd made. Things I'd said or done during those dark months haunted me during the middle of the day and I felt like even though I'd finished my A Levels that I'd never find little moments of happiness again. Sounds hella dramatic, I know. But instead of being patient with myself, I became angrier every single day that I was still not feeling 100% myself and I should have just trusted that things would slowly feel simply okay again. 

Everyone has their own untold stories. Everyone has moments in their life that suck all of the light and joy out of their world for a while and it feels like you'll never enjoy life in the same way again. As cliche as it sounds, just be patient with yourself and be hopeful that you'll overcome whatever you're going through. Whether it's because over the last few years I've experienced some pretty horrific times in terms of my mental health, I'm starting to truly appreciate the small moments in life that make it worth living.

I'm learning to trust that there will always be better days around the corner. Inevitably and unfortunately, some people have to wait longer for those days to arrive than others but they will come. Making time for the people you love and experiencing genuine happiness and laughter after feeling lost for the longest time is everything to me. The last few days have been overwhelming and I can't say that anything has really happened except that I've just taken a step back to breathe. A simple pause. Just to absorb everything that is happening in the moment so that I can acknowledge how I'm truly feeling and appreciate that while it lasts. 

I decided to start writing again today because I've had an incredible few days with my closest friends and I've realised that even if it takes me a little longer and even if my mental health makes it almost impossible at times, I'll always find happiness around the corner. Each bad day I have may feel like I've taken 5 steps back but it also fuels my determination to live a happier life. Tomorrow will always be a new start and I'm learning to hold out hope that it'll be a happier one too. Whether it's staying up late to catch up with someone you haven't spoken to in a while, singing along to your favourite albums in the car with your closest friends or simply having some down time to do something you enjoy, it's really the little moments that make me feel genuinely very lucky to be alive. 

I hope you've all had a wonderful start to the summer (granted it won't last long so make the most of it while you can). I'm sure I'll be back with a new post very soon. 

Lots of Love,
Meg X 

19 Things I Learned Before Turning 19


As some of you may know, today marks 19 years around the sun for me and I wanted to make a post dedicated to some of the lessons and facts I have learned in those 19 years and the advice I would now give to my younger self. I thought it may be fun to create this little list and share it with you guys, especially since I absolutely love reading posts like this. I always find them so relatable and being the nostalgic person that I am I thought this would be the perfect post to upload on my 19th birthday.

1. Stop apologising to people for being who you are. You don't owe anybody an explanation.

2. Don't take the people who make an effort to be in your life for granted. They're special and you're extremely lucky to have them.

3. You can't go far wrong by being kind and doing the decent thing. People always appreciate kindness, no matter how small the gesture may be.

4. Failure isn't always a bad thing. If you're not making mistakes and getting things wrong then you're clearly not trying hard enough. Keep going until you make it. 

5. Don't say or do anything while you're angry because you'll only regret it. Calm down and if there is still something you want to say afterwards then do it appropriately and not to make things worse.

6. Scars heal. The wounds and battles you face will find a way of healing over time. Things will really hurt for a while but I promise that the pain will ease eventually. 

7. You aren't always right. Your stubbornness may get the better of you occasionally but it's okay to admit it when you are wrong. It doesn't make you any less of a human or vulnerable to admit when you get it wrong. Self honesty feels like freedom. 

8. Travelling brings out the best in you so keep doing it. See everything you want to see and don't let anything stop you. You've been lucky enough to see some amazing sights in your life so far but you really haven't seen anything yet. 

9. Independence really is one of the best feelings. Trust me, it sucks sometimes but the freedom that comes along with it will make you feel so much more in control of you life. Relying on other people won't get you anywhere.

10. Bad days are perfectly normal and you just have to embrace them. The storm will always pass eventually so be patient with yourself. You're doing the best you can and it will get easier for you soon.

11. Change is a good thing. Despite how terrifying and unsettling it can feel, in the long run change will do you the world of good. 

12. You can't control other people. There will always be people who have damaging opinions in the world and society and while they may be offensive and upsetting, it's just the way they are. Bad people have always and will always exist so just do your best to rise above them.

13. You are so much stronger than you think you are. Life can be cruel beyond words at times but never doubt that you can get through anything.

14. Don't feel like you have to be ashamed of what you're passionate about and what makes you happy. Everyone has their own guilty pleasures. 

15. You will never know everything. You'll continue to learn new things until you take your last breath and that's what makes life so exciting. 

16. You're never going to be like the girl on Instagram with the flawless looks and lifestyle that you crave. Comparing yourself to others isn't going to get you anywhere. Accepting and loving yourself is the key to happiness and despite the fact that you're not quite there yet, you'll wake up one day and realise that you're the only person you ever want to be. 

17. Your anxiety and panic attacks are very real. People will tell you that you're exaggerating or your mental health is not important but never listen to them. You're strong and incredible for dealing with it every single day.

18. Stop rushing. You've still got your whole life ahead of you so just take a second to breathe and take it all in. You're doing just fine and it's not a race. 

19. You're allowed to treat yourself every now and then. Being selfish can often be necessary so stop feeling guilty for looking after yourself. You'll thank yourself for it one day.

I hope you guys enjoyed this one. I really loved writing this one so I hope you guys have enjoyed it. I'll see you all soon with another blog post but for now I'm going to have some birthday cake and a cheeky glass of wine because ya girl is 19!

Lots of Love,
Meg X

3 Lifestyle Changes I've Made In The Last 18 Months That I Don't Regret


If you read my blog post all about embracing change ~ see here ~ then you'll know that I'm learning to love change and make the most out of it as opposed to absolutely dreading it and having a complete and utter meltdown. Over the last year and a half or so, I've made quite a few big lifestyle changes that I'm really proud of despite the fact that I occasionally had to do a lot of thinking to convince myself that they were the right thing for me. So, I thought I'd talk through 3 of those changes I've made and why I certainly don't regret them.

Going Pescetarian

For those of you who might not have heard of a pescetarian before, it's basically a vegetarian except we still include fish and seafood in our diet. Now most people who decide to stop eating meat usually do it in steps by reducing how much meat they consume and eventually stop eating it all together. I think I made things difficult for myself because I just decided to cut out all meat there and then without ever having given it a thought prior to that moment. My decision was based on a complete mixture of things if I'm being completely honest from ethical reasons to just feeling that bit healthier. For the first 6 weeks, I went completely veggie and didn't include fish in my diet whatsoever but I kinda struggled with it a little and decided to eat fish until I'd found other appropriate substitutes, done more research and also I needed to let my body adjust to this important change. However overtime I grew to feel comfortable with the diet I was on and decided to find a happy medium and remain a pescetarian. My friends and family were all really supportive and encouraging which really helped, especially during the first few months because they were a little tough at times. The only thing I struggle with occasionally is finding new recipes to try so if anyone reading this has any suggestions then I'd be so grateful to hear them! I've had so many different reactions when people discover that I don't eat meat and the biggest question I get is "don't you miss it?" And in all honesty, no. I really don't. I think your body adapts and you eventually stop craving it so it really doesn't cross my mind. Now I'm not one of those people who tries to force this kind of lifestyle on anyone because everybody is completely different and some people have diet requirement which makes it difficult to adapt to a diet that doesn't include meat. But if you have ever given it a second thought before and you don't think you can do it - trust me when I say that you can. Take baby steps and do some research to begin with if that makes it easier but I certainly don't regret making this decision and I'm proud of myself for making this change when I did. 

Chopping My Hair Off

Roughly 24 hours after deciding to go pescetarian, I made another huge decision regarding my lifestyle. Now this one had been on my mind for roughly 12 months before I decided to just go for it. When I say cutting my hair, I'm talking about a quite drastic change to my hair as opposed to a trim. Ever since I was little, I've had ridiculously thick and curly hair. You only have to see photos of me to see exactly what I mean. My hair was fairly short when I was younger because I never really did anything with it. I mean, do people really style their hair when they're 5 years old? Probably not. I'll always remember my hairdresser telling me that the longer I grew my hair, the thinner and more manageable it would be - so that's exactly what I did. As I got older I eventually found my 'style' which looking back was questionable but cutting it all off never really crossed my mind until I was about 16 years old. I knew that having short hair would be so much easier to deal with despite the fact that it was shapeless when I was younger. My argument was that now that I'm older I'm obviously going to style it more and I just knew that there was no talking me out of it. I wanted it to have a bigger purpose and so I did a little research and discovered the Little Princess Trust which is where I ended up donating 16 inches of my hair. I had so much anxiety about this change because I knew it would be a long time before my hair was ever that long again but oh my goodness you guys. I felt and looked like a completely different person afterwards and I was just thrilled with the outcome. It was so much easier to take care of and it just gave me that confidence that I'd been missing. Hair grows back and you only live once so if you're thinking about doing something similar to what I did, all I can really say is go for it. 

Postponing University

Surprisingly, this was probably the most difficult decision to make out of the three. And that's because I've been in education my whole life knowing one day I'd be going to Uni. Whenever I thought about my 'plan' in terms of my education and career etc, I refused to see any obstacles that could prevent me from doing something or even delaying it. I'd finish high school, get through my A Levels and go to Uni and that was that. But after realising a little too late that I'd chosen the wrong subjects to study at A Level, it meant that I was faced with a decision that I really didn't want to have to make. I could either struggle through to the end of my two years at college and then go to University as planned or I could start again. Starting college again meant that I wouldn't be going to Uni the same year as my best friends and it essentially meant that I'd be alone finishing my studies which everyone else managed to get right the first time around. I really thought about it because it was possible for me to go to Uni with the grades I got in my original subjects but I knew deep down that it wouldn't be the right thing to do. I knew that I needed to drop the subjects that I despised with a passion and start over with subjects that I'm passionate about. And that was the best thing I could have ever done. I was dreading this third year in college. I thought I'd be judged for staying behind and I knew that seeing my friends in Uni would be a reminder that I'm not doing exactly that. But if I'm being honest, this has been the best year in terms of my education that I can remember. I love my subjects so much and I thoroughly enjoy going to my lectures and doing my assignments and I know that makes me seem like a nerd but it's truly been such an eye opener. I refuse to look at it as being me staying behind another year but rather me making a decision to study what I love in order to build the future that I want. Plus in the long run I'm only ever going to be grateful that I did myself a favour now as opposed to when I'm stuck in a job I hate. I've gone from getting E's and D's in my subjects to consistently getting A's and B's. Not only that but my mental health, my confidence and happiness in college has improved leaps and bounds which really is the most important thing. 

This post was a little longer than I anticipated it might be but I hope you enjoyed it and took something from it. Never fear making decisions or changes to your lifestyle because you may look back one day and see that it was the best thing you ever did.

Lots of Love,
Meg X

5 TV Shows I've Watched & LOVED In February


I'm usually that person who watches something, falls in love and obsesses with it and then watches it on repeat instead of starting something new. However, this past month I've watched quite a few shows that I've never seen before and how I managed to avoid the hype when they were first released I have no idea because they are all incredible. Seriously, Netflix has been my best friend throughout February and I wanted to update you guys on what I've been watching recently in case you're looking for something new to binge watch on these snowy days we've been having recently. So in no particular order, lets goooooo!

1. The Good Place (2016, 2 seasons, Netflix)

I saw SO many people talking about this on Netflix at the beginning of February despite the fact that it's been out for over a year. You guys, this show is something special. It's about a woman called Eleanor who dies and ends up in an afterlife paradise for the ethical people a.k.a the good place but soon realises that she has been mistaken for somebody else. Each character offers something new and different to the dynamic and I found myself laughing and ugly crying throughout this series. The unexpected friendships in the series melt my heart and don't even get me started on the character development! It's such a chilled, feel good show and perfect for those evenings when you really haven't got the energy to do anything. 

2. One Day At A Time (2017, 2 seasons, Netflix)

If you're looking for a comedy drama /sitcom that has brilliant representation and tackles really important issues that are constantly being featured in the media then look no further. This is a Netflix original that follows the life of a Cuban-American family as they navigate through the ups and downs of life. Similarly to The Good Place, this one is such a feel good show and the episodes are half an hour max so you get through them so quickly which is the worst thing about it. Some of the story lines focus on immigration and Elena's coming out story and process to her family which I think is so important and especially since it's done in a sensitive and respectful manner. The writers, cast and crew have created nothing short of a masterpiece with this one and it's so under appreciated. If you watch one of the shows I mention today, please make it this one. 

3. Marcella (2016, Series 2 currently ongoing on ITV) 

My best friend has been asking me to watch this one ever since series 1 was released back in 2016 and it took stubborn old me long enough to join in on the hype. If you're anything like me then you can't get enough of a good ol' crime drama series and this one is truly so gripping. The second series started a couple of weeks ago and I hated being the only one who wasn't raving about how good it is so I binge watched series 1 within a couple of days and I can't get enough of it. Set in gorgeous London, Marcella is a female detective who returns to the job after taking 12 years family leave. She is drawn back by a case that sounds all too familiar to her as a serial killer she tried to catch before going on leave returns to the scene. It's so compelling and brilliantly acted and written. You really can't go wrong with this one if you're into this kinda thing.

4. Cuffs (2015, 1 Series) 

This next one may be me cheating my way out of it a little since I actually watched this when it first aired in 2015. I hadn't re watched it for quite a while and I was seriously in the mood for it so I spent no more than three days watching this series for the hundredth time earlier this month. Cuffs, oh Cuffs. How I utterly adore this series. Now, it isn't your typical detective series but that's one of the reasons why I love it so much. It's actually a drama that follows the lives of front line police officers within Brighton and the surrounding area of Sussex. It tackles really important issues and is equally character driven which is probably why I feel so attached to it. The location settings are truly stunning and there is something about each character that you secretly fall in love with. It has amazing representation, the story lines are incredible although they can be difficult to watch occasionally due to the painfully realistic nature of them, and it's just so well written. You'll kick yourself for not watching this one sooner. 

5. Mum (2016, Series 2 currently ongoing, BBC 2) 

And last but by no means least is Mum, another seriously under appreciated show that my best friend introduced me to a couple of weeks ago. This one certainly won't be everybody's cup of tea but if you're after a super chilled, relatable family orientated comedy then this is for you. It follows the life of 59 year old Cathy who is recently widowed and her family throughout the first year after her husband's death. It sounds pretty morbid and dull but you've gotta trust me when I say it's such a feel good, easy to watch show. Each episode is set in Cathy's house which gives it such a cosy and homely vibe which I love and it explores the dynamics between the family which is just something that most people can empathise with. I always find myself laughing out loud while watching this and it's the perfect show to unwind to after a long day that's for sure.

And there we have it! Apologies for how long this one was but I have seriously enjoyed watching these new shows this month and I wish someone had told me about them sooner so I thought I'd share them in case you're after something to binge watch. Thank you for reading, I'll see you all again soon.

Lots of Love,
Meg X

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