Finding My Feet


Hello my beautiful readers. It's been a short while, hasn't it? It feels like a lifetime has passed since I last sat in front of my laptop with my blog on the screen and a bunch of things I want to write about. That's all because over the last few months I've actually been studying for and then doing my final A Level exams in college. In all honesty, I actually wrote a very long and rambly blog post about my A Level / exam experience because despite sounding dramatic it has been utterly horrific. The last few months in particular have been the worst I've felt in a long time, if not the worst and lowest I have ever been. However, I didn't really want to publish something so personal and put a downer on things even though I've always been honest on my blog. Instead I've decided to save it in my drafts for a time in the future where I'm in the right mindset to reflect on my A Level experience and ultimately how it made me a stronger person. 

Enough about that because this post, if you can't already tell from the title, will be focusing on the light at the end of the darkness. It's kind of linked to how I've been feeling over the last few months but I wanted to write about how even in our darkest moments, it's important to remember that they won't last forever. 

It's so easy to tell somebody who is struggling that it won't last forever and that there are brighter days ahead. Feeling genuinely happy can seem so out of reach for days, weeks or months on end and being stuck in a vicious cycle of waking up just to survive each day is exhausting and demolishing to say the least. 

It's 3 days away from being a solid month since I walked out of my last A Level exam and since I walked out of college for the last time. I'm not the most resilient person but I was frustrated with myself for not bouncing back straight away. Days, even a couple of weeks after that last exam I was still crying myself to sleep because of the stupid mistakes I'd made. Things I'd said or done during those dark months haunted me during the middle of the day and I felt like even though I'd finished my A Levels that I'd never find little moments of happiness again. Sounds hella dramatic, I know. But instead of being patient with myself, I became angrier every single day that I was still not feeling 100% myself and I should have just trusted that things would slowly feel simply okay again. 

Everyone has their own untold stories. Everyone has moments in their life that suck all of the light and joy out of their world for a while and it feels like you'll never enjoy life in the same way again. As cliche as it sounds, just be patient with yourself and be hopeful that you'll overcome whatever you're going through. Whether it's because over the last few years I've experienced some pretty horrific times in terms of my mental health, I'm starting to truly appreciate the small moments in life that make it worth living.

I'm learning to trust that there will always be better days around the corner. Inevitably and unfortunately, some people have to wait longer for those days to arrive than others but they will come. Making time for the people you love and experiencing genuine happiness and laughter after feeling lost for the longest time is everything to me. The last few days have been overwhelming and I can't say that anything has really happened except that I've just taken a step back to breathe. A simple pause. Just to absorb everything that is happening in the moment so that I can acknowledge how I'm truly feeling and appreciate that while it lasts. 

I decided to start writing again today because I've had an incredible few days with my closest friends and I've realised that even if it takes me a little longer and even if my mental health makes it almost impossible at times, I'll always find happiness around the corner. Each bad day I have may feel like I've taken 5 steps back but it also fuels my determination to live a happier life. Tomorrow will always be a new start and I'm learning to hold out hope that it'll be a happier one too. Whether it's staying up late to catch up with someone you haven't spoken to in a while, singing along to your favourite albums in the car with your closest friends or simply having some down time to do something you enjoy, it's really the little moments that make me feel genuinely very lucky to be alive. 

I hope you've all had a wonderful start to the summer (granted it won't last long so make the most of it while you can). I'm sure I'll be back with a new post very soon. 

Lots of Love,
Meg X 

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