Dear Future Me On A Level Results Day 2018

Bonjour! Yet again, it has been a little while. I apologise for not updating my little corner of the internet for quite some time so I'm hoping I'll be forgiven. Truthfully, I haven't been in the writing mood and I've felt a little lost for ideas and things to talk about. I've chosen to blame it on the glorious Summer we've had because anyone who knows me will know that I practically hibernate during the warmer months. Autumn and Winter are the seasons when I feel the most like myself and so I just haven't been in the blogging mood. However, I'm back and hopefully this time I won't be abandoning you any time soon.

As you can see from the title, this post will be a little different from anything I've written before. I've seen a couple of videos on YouTube (because yes I am currently freaking out big time about results day and have been binge watching past results day videos) from people who have a positive outlook on the day. I thought I could try being a little optimistic and reassuring by writing a few things down that I and other students need to remember on results day. So, here we go.


Dear future me on results day 2018, 

It's difficult to know where to begin because the last few months have been such a roller coaster. Challenging, strenuous, draining, frustrating, rewarding. The 3 years that you have been doing A Levels have been the most important years in your life so far. Not only because they have created stepping stones for your future but because they have been the years that you have naturally grown as a person. You've become more confident in the person you are, you've taken risks, been incredibly brave and you've come out the other end stronger than I ever could have hoped for you. Regardless of how horrific your mental health was at times, you always pushed through. You were patient with yourself when everything became difficult and frustrating. You were resilient, focused and I know that you could not have worked any harder than you did. 

The last 3 years have literally flown by and yet so much has happened during that time. It seems ridiculous and diminishing that 3 years of work comes down to a single piece of paper with a few letters on it this Thursday. I can't count the number of sleepless nights you've had during that time, how many times you doubted yourself or cried for hours the night before an important deadline. But guess what? You did it. Results day for you isn't about whether you got the grades to get into University because thankfully you were accepted into your first choice back in January which I'm still so proud of you for. I know that doesn't make it any easier because results day for you has always been about all of your hard work paying off. And I get it. It's so unbelievably disheartening to have overworked yourself for months for your efforts to not be reflected in the outcome. And I think that's why today means so much to you. It's why you've had so many sleepless nights and nightmares about it throughout the summer. And that's okay. It's okay because it shows how much you care. Deep down I know you're a huge believer that grades don't define you and they shouldn't restrict you from achieving your goals. Having said that, I think it's important to remind you that you also believe that everything happens for a reason. Yes you worked so fucking hard. Yes it's unfair that your grades are ultimately determined by a two hour paper at the end of the course that don't always reflect what you're actually capable of achieving because of pressure and time restrictions etc. But these are the grades that you are going to get. And if it means that plans change and you're forced to consider Plan B, then maybe Plan A wasn't the right path for you anyway. You'll eventually end up exactly where you're meant to be. Taking a different route or changing your mind doesn't mean you've failed. You of all people should have accepted that by now. 

If you don't get the results you're hoping for, please know that you did everything you could. I know exam season feels like a blur right now but you couldn't have worked any harder. Your grades don't reflect what kind of person you are. You're still resilient, empathetic, focused, kind and determined. You're still going to the University of Brighton to study English Language and Linguistics. You can still look at doing a Masters in Speech and Language Pathology. You're still going to live in Brighton for the next 3 years. You're still going to meet some incredible new people. You're still going to be surrounded by your friends and family. And yes you'll still make a million mistakes and wrong decisions along the way but honey you'll still flourish. You'll still grow and you'll look back one day and accept that everything happens for a reason even if you're not entirely sure what that reason is at the specific time that it happens. Just be patient. Trust that life is taking you on the path you're meant to be on and live your best life because grades are not going to influence what truly matters. If you don't get what you're hoping for, be sad. You're allowed to cry and be disappointed. But then look at the bigger picture and remember exactly what your past self has just told you. Your life is worth so much more than what is written on a piece of paper so if you take anything from this post then let it be that. 

Best of luck to everyone receiving results this summer. Whether you're in year 13 waiting for your A Level results or you're expecting your GCSE results next week - I'm rooting for you and I know that you should be proud of yourself no matter what. 

Lots of Love,
Meg X

Brighton & London Trip | Photo Diary

If you've been following my blog for a while (ur support is much appreciated xoxo) then you'll know how much I adore visiting London. Last month, my sister and I decided to take a little trip to Brighton and ended up visiting London while we were there. Since I'm moving to Brighton for Uni next month, I really wanted to take my sister there to explore since she's never been and we just had the best few days away (apart from the humidity, yuck.) And so I thought I'd share some of my favourite photos from the trip in a photo diary as opposed to me rambling on and on which nobody really wants (lets be honest). So, I hope you enjoy and I'll see you again very soon!

Lots of Love,

Meg X

Finding My Feet

Hello my beautiful readers. It's been a short while, hasn't it? It feels like a lifetime has passed since I last sat in front of my laptop with my blog on the screen and a bunch of things I want to write about. That's all because over the last few months I've actually been studying for and then doing my final A Level exams in college. In all honesty, I actually wrote a very long and rambly blog post about my A Level / exam experience because despite sounding dramatic it has been utterly horrific. The last few months in particular have been the worst I've felt in a long time, if not the worst and lowest I have ever been. However, I didn't really want to publish something so personal and put a downer on things even though I've always been honest on my blog. Instead I've decided to save it in my drafts for a time in the future where I'm in the right mindset to reflect on my A Level experience and ultimately how it made me a stronger person. 

Enough about that because this post, if you can't already tell from the title, will be focusing on the light at the end of the darkness. It's kind of linked to how I've been feeling over the last few months but I wanted to write about how even in our darkest moments, it's important to remember that they won't last forever. 

It's so easy to tell somebody who is struggling that it won't last forever and that there are brighter days ahead. Feeling genuinely happy can seem so out of reach for days, weeks or months on end and being stuck in a vicious cycle of waking up just to survive each day is exhausting and demolishing to say the least. 

It's 3 days away from being a solid month since I walked out of my last A Level exam and since I walked out of college for the last time. I'm not the most resilient person but I was frustrated with myself for not bouncing back straight away. Days, even a couple of weeks after that last exam I was still crying myself to sleep because of the stupid mistakes I'd made. Things I'd said or done during those dark months haunted me during the middle of the day and I felt like even though I'd finished my A Levels that I'd never find little moments of happiness again. Sounds hella dramatic, I know. But instead of being patient with myself, I became angrier every single day that I was still not feeling 100% myself and I should have just trusted that things would slowly feel simply okay again. 

Everyone has their own untold stories. Everyone has moments in their life that suck all of the light and joy out of their world for a while and it feels like you'll never enjoy life in the same way again. As cliche as it sounds, just be patient with yourself and be hopeful that you'll overcome whatever you're going through. Whether it's because over the last few years I've experienced some pretty horrific times in terms of my mental health, I'm starting to truly appreciate the small moments in life that make it worth living.

I'm learning to trust that there will always be better days around the corner. Inevitably and unfortunately, some people have to wait longer for those days to arrive than others but they will come. Making time for the people you love and experiencing genuine happiness and laughter after feeling lost for the longest time is everything to me. The last few days have been overwhelming and I can't say that anything has really happened except that I've just taken a step back to breathe. A simple pause. Just to absorb everything that is happening in the moment so that I can acknowledge how I'm truly feeling and appreciate that while it lasts. 

I decided to start writing again today because I've had an incredible few days with my closest friends and I've realised that even if it takes me a little longer and even if my mental health makes it almost impossible at times, I'll always find happiness around the corner. Each bad day I have may feel like I've taken 5 steps back but it also fuels my determination to live a happier life. Tomorrow will always be a new start and I'm learning to hold out hope that it'll be a happier one too. Whether it's staying up late to catch up with someone you haven't spoken to in a while, singing along to your favourite albums in the car with your closest friends or simply having some down time to do something you enjoy, it's really the little moments that make me feel genuinely very lucky to be alive. 

I hope you've all had a wonderful start to the summer (granted it won't last long so make the most of it while you can). I'm sure I'll be back with a new post very soon. 

Lots of Love,
Meg X 

19 Things I Learned Before Turning 19

As some of you may know, today marks 19 years around the sun for me and I wanted to make a post dedicated to some of the lessons and facts I have learned in those 19 years and the advice I would now give to my younger self. I thought it may be fun to create this little list and share it with you guys, especially since I absolutely love reading posts like this. I always find them so relatable and being the nostalgic person that I am I thought this would be the perfect post to upload on my 19th birthday.

1. Stop apologising to people for being who you are. You don't owe anybody an explanation.

2. Don't take the people who make an effort to be in your life for granted. They're special and you're extremely lucky to have them.

3. You can't go far wrong by being kind and doing the decent thing. People always appreciate kindness, no matter how small the gesture may be.

4. Failure isn't always a bad thing. If you're not making mistakes and getting things wrong then you're clearly not trying hard enough. Keep going until you make it. 

5. Don't say or do anything while you're angry because you'll only regret it. Calm down and if there is still something you want to say afterwards then do it appropriately and not to make things worse.

6. Scars heal. The wounds and battles you face will find a way of healing over time. Things will really hurt for a while but I promise that the pain will ease eventually. 

7. You aren't always right. Your stubbornness may get the better of you occasionally but it's okay to admit it when you are wrong. It doesn't make you any less of a human or vulnerable to admit when you get it wrong. Self honesty feels like freedom. 

8. Travelling brings out the best in you so keep doing it. See everything you want to see and don't let anything stop you. You've been lucky enough to see some amazing sights in your life so far but you really haven't seen anything yet. 

9. Independence really is one of the best feelings. Trust me, it sucks sometimes but the freedom that comes along with it will make you feel so much more in control of you life. Relying on other people won't get you anywhere.

10. Bad days are perfectly normal and you just have to embrace them. The storm will always pass eventually so be patient with yourself. You're doing the best you can and it will get easier for you soon.

11. Change is a good thing. Despite how terrifying and unsettling it can feel, in the long run change will do you the world of good. 

12. You can't control other people. There will always be people who have damaging opinions in the world and society and while they may be offensive and upsetting, it's just the way they are. Bad people have always and will always exist so just do your best to rise above them.

13. You are so much stronger than you think you are. Life can be cruel beyond words at times but never doubt that you can get through anything.

14. Don't feel like you have to be ashamed of what you're passionate about and what makes you happy. Everyone has their own guilty pleasures. 

15. You will never know everything. You'll continue to learn new things until you take your last breath and that's what makes life so exciting. 

16. You're never going to be like the girl on Instagram with the flawless looks and lifestyle that you crave. Comparing yourself to others isn't going to get you anywhere. Accepting and loving yourself is the key to happiness and despite the fact that you're not quite there yet, you'll wake up one day and realise that you're the only person you ever want to be. 

17. Your anxiety and panic attacks are very real. People will tell you that you're exaggerating or your mental health is not important but never listen to them. You're strong and incredible for dealing with it every single day.

18. Stop rushing. You've still got your whole life ahead of you so just take a second to breathe and take it all in. You're doing just fine and it's not a race. 

19. You're allowed to treat yourself every now and then. Being selfish can often be necessary so stop feeling guilty for looking after yourself. You'll thank yourself for it one day.

I hope you guys enjoyed this one. I really loved writing this one so I hope you guys have enjoyed it. I'll see you all soon with another blog post but for now I'm going to have some birthday cake and a cheeky glass of wine because ya girl is 19!

Lots of Love,

Meg X